We’ve all seen it a million times – someone finally escapes the clutches of a crazy killer just long enough to make it outside and run to the conveniently parked car in front of the old abandoned house. Not so conveniently, however, is the fact that the car that once ran like a champ will no longer start despite our characters every attempt at turning the engine over. BAM! Next thing you know, they’re getting pulled out of the car to meet their utter demise.
Unfortunately in the universe of horror, cars seem to have the most inconvenient problems at the most inopportune times. Lucky for you, we have felt it our Halloween duty to conduct horror movie research and prep you for these circumstances so you can avoid the common pitfalls that come about during your next spooky run in with a crazy person in a hockey mask. Read on so you can make it out alive in the event that you find yourself in your own scary movie!
- The most conveniently parked car should never be your first choice – Let’s be honest, when you see someone run for their lives and head to the first car in sight, you can almost guarantee that either the tires have been slashed, the gas line has been cut, or there’s someone hiding in the backseat to grab them just as they feel safe. You’re much better off either finding a different car out of sight or just stick to hoofing it with your own two feet.
- Be calm – the car starter can sense your fear! – If you’re lucky enough to find a car that the psychopath behind you hasn’t messed with, chances are that even the most reliable cars just happen to have a faulty starter when you least expect it. Through very thorough research, we’ve found that there is a direct correlation between how panicked you are and how likely the car is to have this issue. So keep calm (despite the evil spirits chasing you down) and you might actually be able to make it out of the driveway…
- Unless you’re a janitor, lose the extra keys – Time and time again, we’ve witness victims who have cleverly escaped the clutches of their evil captor only to fumble with a handful of keys long enough for them to be trapped again! Maybe just until Halloween is over, play it safe and just carry the bare minimum. You never know if you’re going to have to open a door at lightning speed.
- When escaping an evil lair, never wave down and get into the only car on the remote highway – Seriously, doesn’t this just seem WAY too convenient? Don’t risk it – you’re much better off to just keep running. Chances are that the driver is in on the plot anyway!
- BONUS TIP – Don’t trip when you’re running – For Pete’s sake, just pick up your feet and run like a normal person.
- Sometimes the cars themselves are the evil villain – Ever heard of Christine? At this point, you’re probably just out of luck. Maybe try finding a motorcycle or a nice Vespa; we haven’t heard of any horror movies about one of those!
- It’s safe to say you can always count on the brakes not working – Okay so you’ve escape evil clutches and miraculously found a car that works. Chances are if you’ve made it this you’re your brakes are going to go out. At this point you’re in no position to drive slow, so brace yourself and be prepared to bail out if you’re around any type of wall, body of water, conveniently place construction area, etc.
- The spookier the town, the more likely your car is to break down – It’s like a sixth sense for your car. If you’re driving through what looks like an abandoned mining town, the likelihood that you’re going to have car issues or run out of gas, even though you just checked it an hour ago, go up about 743%. So as a general rule: do not, we repeat, DO NOT take short cuts to save time. Stick to where the GPS tells you to go.
- The mechanic is probably part of the plot – Either throw in the towel and forget about your car or learn how to maintain and fix it on your own. We don’t know about you, but we don’t want to end up trapped in the basement of the car shop accompanying a psycho with power tools.
There you have it. 9 tips that just might make you the character who gets out alive come morning. If you commit to these survival tips, you might just live to tell the tale past Halloween time! If we’ve missed any survival tips, let us know on Facebook. Remember, it’s much safer if we “stay together as a group!”